Happiness Revisited- In Class 4/29

In class yesterday we started reading an article called "Happiness Revisited".  I really enjoyed the article and as cheesy as it sounds I felt more conscious of my happiness after reading it!  There are some questions to go along with it. 

1.  When do you feel most happy?

Before finishing the article, I was thinking about this question.  My answer was going to be when I am accomplishing something that I am proud of and have worked hard at.  That still is my answer, but then I came across the term "optimal experience".  I think this describes myself well- it's a calm satisfaction for me.  It can be when I finally complete a hard math problem, or finish a hard erg piece.  It's not always easy during that time, which the article talks about, but the hard work is what makes those moments so special, and that work finally pays off when you achieve whatever it is. 

2.  React/Respond to the article.

As I said before, this article made me more conscious of my happiness.  I thought one part in particular was especially interesting:
 "Don't aim at success- the more you aim at it and make it a target, the more you are going to miss it.  For success, like happiness, cannot be pursued; it must ensue... as the unintended side-effect of one's personal dedication to a course greater than oneself." 
 I hadn't really thought of this before, but then I realized that it's kind of true.  If you set such high expectations for yourself, they will be harder and harder to achieve.  It's good to challenge and push yourself, but it reaches a point where it is unrealistic and you're kind of missing the forest for the trees (as Ms. G says!) 
I also liked the part about control, because I am one that that is very applicable to.  I like to have everything planned out and be in control of the situation.  Some might be happiest when they are just going with the flow and acting spontaneously, and while that's enjoyable sometimes, I am happiest when I accomplish a clear goal, something I know I want to work towards.  The article talks about how we think that some of these forces that are out of our control- how we look, how tall we are, how smart we are, are out of our control and our fate controls our happiness in a way.  I think that is definitely the case for me, because I focus on control a lot and wanting to be in control of the weather, the way my hair wants to look that day, how my parents are acting, and as a result it "decides" my moods.

3.  Where are you on the flow chart?

The flow chart looks like a graph with challenges on the y axis and skills on the x axis.  Across the middle there is a diagonal "flow channel" separating anxiety on the top from boredom on the bottom.  In regards to my project, I think I am right within the flow channel, at about A4.  I wouldn't say my running "skills" are top notch (hard to say what those are, but I'm certainly not an expert) and I am not just a beginner starting out having never run or exercised before.  I am challenged by my project, especially the hands on part.  I will be the first to admit it's not easy to run even 6 miles, so the distance definitely is.  Mentally, it's a challenge too.  I struggle to bring myself to push myself past that comfort zone, and so I think I am right within the flow channel.

4.  How has this changed/remained the same throughout the course of your project?

I think I started out lower on both scales.  I was less experienced before I started training regularly, but I was also doing shorter distances that I knew I could already do so that made it kind of boring.  I haven't really reached anxiety yet except when I just get stressed about how much I have to do and running is one of those things, but I'm sure as I get closer to the race I will be moving more in that direction (though I'll try to stay in the channel).  I started more towards boredom just because for example three miles wasn't really a challenge, but it was what my plan outlined for me to do so I stuck to that.  

5.  How can you achieve flow?

I feel like I have been achieving flow, but to continue that and not get bored with my project or too anxious before the race I will try to mix it up.  I've been changing my runs up more lately to not do the same five miles every time, and I continue to adapt the longer distances.  To not get anxious I will try to relax my challenges (still working hard, but not getting too worked up over things such as the distance or time).

I think all of this happiness, flow, and comfort zone material has really helped me stay more in tune with my project as a whole and I like that I can apply these thoughts to my regular life as well!

Run part 2

I went to the gym with Patrick (another WISE student) yesterday because I wanted to avoid the rain. Yeah, I know I can run in the rain but I expected it to be a lot worse than I think it ended up to be. I did 4 miles on the treadmill and man was it brutal! My feet were not feelin it and I definitely felt the work from the day before. But, it's done!

Run part one

After a very long past couple of days I finally got around to running today. I was out of town on a field trip until last night and had to get up early for my race today. We won (!!!) but I was totally exhausted after. Up until then, I planned on doing my 10 miles today, pretty much my only free time in a while. Instead, I modified my plan and used some information Ms. Bullard told me. She said I could split up my long runs even between days. I told myself I'd run for an hour today, however far that takes me, and finish the 10 miles tomorrow. (Now that I've made this public I'm also forced to!!) The loop I thoughts up just happened to bring my back to my house at 61 minutes.. I'm getting better at this!

So tomorrow hopefully I won't be as completely wiped out. I can't remember the last time I've gotten to sleep past 7 and I get to get up at 7:30 tomorrow!!
Looks like it might be rainy, though, in which case I might have to do more miles than I'd like on the treadmill. :/

Mentor Meeting (4/25)

Yesterday after quite a long day, Ms. Maddren and I met for our mentor meeting. I have been really slacking in terms of WISE this past week and will be the first to admit it. It felt like the time between Friday and yesterday had been completely devoted to calc. I had my final yesterday morning and afterwards was finally able to take a deep breath, but before then that was really my focus. I was able to print off the articles I said I would and skimmed them a bit. I'll post the most interesting points from them in another posts. Other than my lack of progress in the past week (also due to me being hesitant about my calf pain.. So I guess it's good timing in a way) not much else is new. We figured out scheduling conflicts and I'm hoping I get a low lottery number so I can be finished before regents week!!

Now to take some advice that Ms. Maddren gave me, take it easy on myself.

Rest.Relax.Recover.

Yesterday, while running the pacer in gym, I felt the side of my calf cramping up a bit. It's not my whole calf, but I had been feeling a sore part almost as if it was a bruise for a few days prior. It wasn't the direct result of a certain run I don't think, but I had been wary of it for about a week. Then when I was walking to my car for practice this morning, I really felt it. For my warm up run I took it easy, and surprisingly enough I don't feel it being aggravated when I row. So since I am having an extremely busy week and would rather not risk injury, I am postponing my 10 miles to this next weekend, and will be exercising in other ways this week rather than running. I think I'll go for a bike ride shortly! It might just be the impact that is getting my leg so I will try that out. This is the kind of change in my project that is to be expected, especially when it is focused around something so physical. I need to focus on my health first and foremost.

After reading a few different articles about this calf pain (it's pretty specific, just one place and I really feel it if I press on it to try to stretch the muscle out there) I don't think it's a strain or anything that serious. It's also kind of odd because its only on the inside of my left calf, not even both. So I found this article http://www.buzzle.com/articles/calf-pain-while-running.html that suggests different causes. It's highly likely that this is due to me not warming up and cooling down enough. I do at practice, but when I run I usually just set out and then stretch a little bit when I come home. So when I get back to my training ill definitely keep that in mind. It also suggests dehydration which I don't think is my case, but I see how not enough water would lead to this muscle cramping.

Holding onto my comfort zone- In class 4/22

Today in class, along with updates from different students, we talked more about comfort zones.  To clarify, Ms. G. drew this diagram to illustrate how she sees a comfort zone. To me, this means that when you are able to step out of your comfort zone, no matter how big it is, that is when you are able to gain the most and learn the most. 

Semi unrelated, but I have been thinking about this a lot lately as I try to decide where I am going to go to college.  One school is closer to home, more my ballpark in terms of academics, and seems to be more comfortable.  I keep falling back on that knowing I could be happy and comfortable there.  The other school I am considering is pretty far away and more academically rigorous, and that challenge kind of intimidates me.  Both are great schools, but I feel like at one I would be staying afloat and the other I might feel in over my head.  Everyone has been telling me to get out of that comfort zone, challenge myself, and take risks.  It is helpful to be looking at these things during WISE and my project has actually been helping me along in this process (I often think about my decision on my runs, and had a long talk with Theo about it on ours).  That being said, I still haven't made my decision, but I definitely see the overlap between my learning and comfort zone application in my life outside of WISE. 

In terms of my WISE project, I think I have been applying this pretty well.  I am not necessarily one for talking to strangers, and I did in my interviews so far.  I was hesitant at first because they are such experts in the field and I am so new to it, but I am glad I did because what I realized is that people like that genuinely appreciate other people getting involved and want to promote what they do in a way that makes you enjoy it.  I also hold onto my comfort zone sometimes when I am running, I guess.  I was thinking that more before talking to Ms. Gergely about my training runs today, though.  I didn't know that I was supposed to be running so much slower during those than I probably am, so it's not like I don't push myself to my limits (otherwise it'd be all out and not really training).  I am also following a plan for the most part so it's not like I am running 3 miles every day and expecting to complete 13.1 in a few weeks.  I think the biggest challenge on my comfort zone will definitely be the race.  I will be surrounded by a lot of people who know what they're doing, who have done it all before, etc. etc. and I will kind of feel like a fish out of water.  I'll take what I learned through my interviews though and make the best of it, hoping that the people there are as exciting and motivating and generous as those who I have met so far!

Learnings, Accomplishments, Plan Changes

Prepare yourselves, this is going to be quite a long post! (and may ramble on a bit too..)

I'm looking back over my proposal for things I said I wanted to accomplish before I actually started my project.  Now naturally, things change.  Not everything works out the way it's supposed to, for example my regatta schedule conflicting with every decent half marathon in the nearby area.  In my Field of Interest part of my proposal, I say 'Ultimately, I want to like running more..." That's obviously very broad and it's hard to say if I have accomplished it.  Sure, I like running more, but I still am not absolutely in love with it.  I don't always look forward to running, and I even avoid it.  I also talk about how I want to look at it as a way to relieve stress and give me time to think.  This has gotten easier and easier throughout the process because as the runs have gotten longer, that's given more chance to "get in the zone" as they say and get inside my own head. 

I mention wanting to do blogging and researching 2nd period, and having time to train afterschool.  These plans have definitely been altered.  I do get work done 2nd period, but usually not WISE.  That leaves me to do my WISE in the comfort of my own home at my own computer which I really prefer.  I also have not been training after school as much as I expected.  I find myself getting stressed out and worried about crew that I don't run.  This may seem to counter what I just said about relieving stress though running, but it plays out this way because I worry that I will have an erg test for crew unexpectedly and don't want to be at my maximum potential for that.  So if I know it's going to be windy the next morning and there's a chance we won't get on the water and therefore also the chance that we will have an erg test, I don't want to tire myself out the night before by working out twice that day.  I also do feel that I am getting in very good workouts through rowing, both aerobic and anerobic (often both) and I don't think that not training too much after school has been extremely detrimental to my project.  That being said, there's always room for improvement especially in a timed sport.  I do think training more after school would assure I reach my 8 hours every week, as well.  That was one thing I pointed out in my self eval as a point to work on- the time commitment. 

In my specific plans, I note that I want to be able to run 5 miles by the end of February (or for one hour), and 10k by the Skunk Cabbage.  I unfortunately wasn't able to participate as I hoped to when writing my proposal, but I do know I can run 10k! 

I foreshadowed my community involvement by saying that I hope to gain a lot of my insight through community members and people who have run marathons and half marathons and just enjoy running in general. 

I've started to answer many of the research questions that I laid out in the beginning throughout this process:

• How much does nutrition factor in?
• How can I fit running into my schedule and what race can I compete in?
• What running shoes would be best for my feet?
• How should I plan out my weekly training plan?
• How can I figure out how far my runs are?

I think this is a good amount of questions to have answered, especially because a lot of them are broad topics containing a lot of information.  Some have started to not interest me as my project has carried on, such as injury prevention, so I have kind of strayed away from that.  

I have used 5 of my 7 listed potential resources so far so that is definitely an accomplishment!
A definite goal listed is to complete a half marathon, which I am currently on track to do- so that's good as well!

I saw a blog post of Patrick Hollister's today and it got me considering my effort in this project.  I feel like I have been putting in substantial effort, especially compared to some.  But, I also feel like I'm just kind of lingering.  I haven't done anything too outstanding yet.  Maybe I'll feel that way when I complete (fingers crossed) the half but for right now it kind of feels like I'm just carrying on.  I feel immersed in the project, it definitely is a big part of my life currently, but I am kind of unsure of what to do to take it up a notch, especially as the rest of my schedule frees up in the end of May after AP's are over. 

So after that long and probably hard to get through post, I'm feeling motivated to do more.  I have completed my tasks for my mentor meeting tomorrow and wish I had some time to spare or extra daylight hours this evening to go for a run!

Disrupting my comfort zone- in class 4/15

Yesterday in class we listened to an NPR podcast on This I Believe called "Disrupting My Comfort Zone". It was about a 45 year old man who decided to take up surfing. He described how he likes to make things difficult on himself to disrupt the comfort zone and challenge his ideas. He says he could settle down and relax but does this to keep growing.

Needless to say, I really admire this guy. I can only hope to be as motivated and driven as him when I grow up and it's definitely I inspiring to hear about someone who has accomplished this.

He brought up a point about trying to avoid physical and mental challenges which definitely applies to my project. I won't lie that I dread my long runs and want to avoid the physical and mental challenges, but during it it's hard to not embrace and challenge myself more and more. Brian Grazer also mentions that doing this helps him find out who he is and extract the truth which I also find while running.

I thought this was a very I inspiring essay and my favorite quote was:

"If you're not growing, you're dying."

Semi-Unrelated, Boston Marathon

When I got home from school today I found out about the explosions that took place near the finish of the Boston Marathon.  I've not necessarily associated myself more but felt more in common with runners since I started my project.  I cannot imagine what it is like to finish 26 miles and have such a tragedy occur, and it frightens me that such a thing can happen in such a typical place at an unexpected event.  It's almost like you just get caught up in the wrong place at the wrong time and are a completely innocent person whose safety and protection is lost.  It scares me to think that this can happen at an event where the people only have the best intentions and are accomplishing something that many of us cannot even imagine. 

That being said, my thoughts and prayers to those in Boston-- stay safe. 

9 miles down, 4.1 to go!!

Yesterday I ran 9 miles with my brother.  We were finally able to arrange a time that worked for both of us and I stopped by his house (right near mine) and off we went!  It actually ended up being just under 9 miles but I don't think that such a small difference (.2 miles) will impact me dramatically.  It was really great to run with someone because talking made the run go by so quickly.  We just extended the 8 miles that I did so I felt like I kind of knew the distances already, and it felt so much shorter!  It was also fun to catch up with him because although we're so close we don't see each other for long periods of time too often.  He also ran at a good pace for me, pushing me to keep up but not too fast that I felt like I was falling behind.  It's easier to not gradually slow down a lot when you're with someone else who keeps a steady pace.

I felt very good during this run, and definitely could have kept going.  I find my joints and feet start to hurt more than anything else- I have the aerobic and strength components but my body isn't used to this continuous impact for long periods of time. 

As I ran I was thinking, holy smokes there's no way I could get home and then do my 4 mile loop after this!  But I realized that it really is much easier to just bump up the mileage by one mile each week- it seems like yesterday I was running 5! 

So, lesson learned was that it does help to run with someone else, though it's also nice to have the time to myself too.

Today's Mentor Meeting

I met with Ms. Maddren again today and created some more goals for this next week:

• create a calendar layout of what to do/when-- could be on my training plan which I was advised to show on my blog anyways by my evaluator
• long blog post about what I've learned, etc.
• record everything I eat starting Saturday- will probably use an app on my phone to do this unless I find another method
• run 9 miles! (hopefully my brother will be able to join me this weekend)

We also discussed my evaluation which I brought along to show her.  We agreed it was done in a different way than one would typically expect, but we found the suggestions within it together.  I was having some trouble figuring out how to implement lots of those things and Ms. Maddren was helpful in that she reassured me that I am keeping up a good blog and it would be difficult to make some of those changes in the context of my project.

When talking about the nutrition log, I mentioned that I'm not really sure what do to with it.  I was thinking that I might just compare it to what it recommended for people with my body type and based on my type of daily exercise, etc.  Ms. Maddren found me an article that I will read (called Nutrition for Runners on Runner's World) to figure out suggested calories, carbs, and so on that I should consume.  That being said, I'm not necessarily going to change my diet to match it exactly, because I am currently not too concerned about what I eat.  Of course I want to be healthy, but I think I eat relatively well.  If something is completely unhealthy or needs to be changed I will work to change it, but I don't suspect that to be the case.  I'm basically trying to see if what I consume is "on par" for what I should be.

I also stopped into class today to get my portfolio and talked briefly with Ms. G. about Buffalo.  Maybe we will do a long run together before then, but I'm worried she is being modest and is a lot faster than me!

Something I just thought of while writing is how I haven't written in my training journal in a long time.  I think that writing reflections of my longer runs on my blog is a better way to think through them and log them because there is much more space.  I will continue to flip through it to go back through all those tips that were inside, though!

I'll reflect on 9 miles and do some research this weekend!

Journal Review

I just received an email from Ms. G containing my journal eval.  First off, it is much different than I expected!  I knew what the form would look like because that is what I filled out for Anna's project, but my evaluator took a completely different take on it!  It's very systematic and "listy" you could say, and doesn't really show the person's voice. 

That being said, it is still very useful.  Some tips I received were providing my sources to the articles I found my research from (and book title) and to share the training plan I started.  I will definitely start doing that if it seems like that is preferred as a reader.  When I read other WISE student's blogs, when they post the link to an article that they recommend checking out, I usually don't, though.  I feel like if they do a good enough job explaining what they learned then I feel informed enough, but I'm sure if something really interested me then I would like to know where I can find more information on it.  So I will start to do that, and it was a good piece of feedback.

I was also advised to add more pictures into my blogs, which I'll try to do.  Often I find them not so relevant and more obnoxious than anything, but if I can think of something worthy (such as the map from my 8 mile run) then I will add it.

To "provide updates on how and when tasks were accomplished from the lists and ideas that were generated throughout the journey. It would have been nice to have a timeline of events or way following and monitoring overall progress" seems kind of difficult.  I'm not sure how I would convey a timeline of events other than just listing them, but I think if I post my training plan and someone reads my blog then it's kind of clear.  I am not sure how to do this without blogging regularly and keeping a reader informed, which I feel like I already do.  But, I will keep it in mind when writing my posts and describing what I accomplish. 

Overall, I'm not going to lie, I think this review could have been a little more helpful.  I'm not sure if it's just the way I'm reading it or what, but it is hard for me to see exactly what the person is saying I guess.  I will keep these ideas in the back of my mind for future work on my project, though!

Last mentor meeting

Last time I met with my mentor was a little off schedule because I would be absent the day we would typically meet.  It was a quicker meeting than usual, just pretty much a check in because we had talked just a few days earlier (not a full week like usual). 

We didn't set any specific goals for me to complete over spring break because I decided to take some time off of my project.  I have since then created the list on the previous blog post and some shorter ones just as short term goals for myself, such as the entry about to come and to register for Buffalo. 

We meet again tomorrow so there will be another update soon!

Two Tramps in Mud Time- In Class 4/8/13

To start this post off, I want to tell a funny story to anyone who didn't witness it.  I was greeted by my WISE teacher this morning by, "Hi Molly! Oh, Molly, I have a confession to make....Your portfolio is one of two not completed." Naturally, I had a heart attack on the inside.  What part could I possibly have forgotten?  I thought I checked it over at least 4 times!  We worked on most of it in class, you would have thought someone working near me would have realized had I not? We went for a little walk in the hallway so she could explain what was up, and after a long explanation (that seemed to carry on forever as I was still thinking I was missing a piece of my project- she was up grading till 1 AM, then she got to mine, she started reading it and had to stop... (you can see where this is going)) I figured out she meant it wasn't graded yet.  She apologized profusely, yet I could not be more relieved that I do not mind a bit, and I'm happy Ms. G was able to save her sanity and get some sleep last night rather than read my portfolio.  :)

Anyway, class today.  We read a poem by Robert Frost "Two Tramps in Mud Time" as indicated in my title.  This, and the discussion after, made me really think about embracing myself in the work I am doing.

"My object in living is to unite

My avocation and my vocation

As my two eyes make one in sight."

Though I wouldn't necessarily consider running my vocation yet, I picked the project so it has to be something I at least can enjoy doing, right?  We discussed whether or not we had reached the point in our projects where we are loving the hard work that we are doing.  The first thing that came to mind was my run yesterday, how despite the fact that my feet hurt and I had never run so far before, there was something blissful about that run.  It may not have been my best, maybe my form slacked, maybe I should have kept a better pace, etc etc etc, but I really did use it as a way to blow off steam.  I had a huge take home calculus test to be working on and I decided to take an hour and a half to run before working on it.  I will admit running wasn't the first on my list to do to relax before embarking on such a hard task, but once I did it, I was really glad I did.  Actually, while I was running, I thought about hmm, an hour and a half run is about how long it would take me to watch two episodes of Gossip Girl, and I am very glad I made the decision to be productive.  I can imagine myself laying in bed watching two episodes in this amount of time, and this is so much better!  It would be a stretch to say I am loving it.  I still hesitate to run, I put it off, and I worry about the hard work.  I worry that it will interfere too much with rowing, I worry that I will be discouraged during the run or that I'll have to stop and walk.  But I think keeping going through this is what will get me to my goal- to really enjoy running.  I have said that since the beginning of my project, I wrote in my proposal that I (at the time) disliked running and wanted to learn to enjoy it.  

I think I'm getting there.  

During class today, I also made a running list of things that came to mind and things I'd like to complete by the end of this week, along with some reminders for the project in general: (this is separate from the lists I make at my mentor meetings, but we didn't make one at the last so here goes!)

• 24 minimum entries, 8 mentor meetings by now
• Last mentor meeting blog reflection?-- check if I did that
• What are you learning? post
• Continual log of research
• Interview Sydney
• Read resources from Ms. Bullard
• Blog about "interview facts" and those resources
• Sign up for Buffalo!
• Consult resources from bibliography
• Do a long blog post- What have I actually done?  What have I said I'd do but haven't done yet? How much of this is okay because plans have had to shift?
• Backward planning from ~June 5th ( I hope to present around then, enough time to reflect on the actual race because I do want to have that "finished product" so to speak to present on )
• Blog about journal review form feedback (which I need to get before I can complete this)

Well, if that wasn't a long enough post I'm not sure what is! Sorry for all the info and scramble of thoughts at once!